Well, sleep deprivation always has had a way of inspiring me to do things, so I went without sleep last night in hopes that I would finish off a few vital things that should have been done long ago. It’s sort of worked too! I can’t really give details on what since it’s rather personaly but perhaps one day when I feel like sharing I will do so.

Some of you may have noticed that I’ve finaly begun to implicate the new layout on the site, and so, there are many many errors and problems. I’ll let you guys know when I’m finished (or think I am) and should actually report these. For now I will just have the “Heaven” layout up, but I will make sure to get hell up right after.

Christmas lights hung up outside
Middle of the day
Middle of July
Don’t ask me why
‘Cause holidays are best that way
In time you please
Hang up lights on ceiling fans
And hang them up on trees

And watch them flicker
Watch them flash
Get used to the fact
That she’s not coming back

You’ve gone out of style
And there’s no Christmas in July
You’ve gone out of style
And there’s no Christmas in July

And since she’s gone the world goes on
And you, you still exist
You’re surprised you realize
That no one gives a shit
About your bad T.V. reception
Or your broken heart
Sit down in your favorite chair
And suffer in the dark

And watch them flicker
Watch them flash
Get used to the fact
That she’s not coming back

You’ve gone out of style
And there’s no Christmas in July
You’ve gone out
You’ve gone out of style

She has gone away
And you think that you might die
But you’re a strong boy you’ll survive
You sit around and contemplate
The things that you might say
If she calls,
She’s never gonna call

Slightly unrelated, but still the permanance feels well related to how I feel right now. My dog will be put down today, I’m not sure if I’ll come along. I don’t want her gone, no I never became extremely attached not till the end when my parents left for a weekend. I then learned to love her, but it was too little too late. I’m so angry at myself for not doing more with her while she was ok. The song for those who care is flicker by calamine.

With how much I feel like sleeping tonight, I might finish the layout today, and maybe someone elses.

I start off waking up at three, which I’ve been trying to avoid but my depression likes to keep me in bed. I have lunch/dinner/breakfast of a polish dog, and we have no mayo or relish, not a big deal I’ll live. Then my girlfriend calls me to tell me she has a change of plans and won’t be able to spend the evening with me, which is fine though slightly dissapointing. My dog’s strange inability to walk by herself gets blamed on me, fine ok, whatever and my parents and I get into an argument about it, so what’s new? During this argument I told my father not to sell my weight set, he agrees not to, things are ok. My parents run off to a casino at around 6:30. I go use the downstairs bathroom because someone was in the upstairs one and managed to find a needle in the carpet, with my foot. I play WoW for a good long time and manage not to do what I wanted to do at all in a time frame of about five hours during which time some shit happened that I won’t be talking about here. My parents get home, late, around 1 am, where I find out that my father sold my weight set, which isn’t even really mine, and he had already gambled the money from it, which wasn’t nearly what the set was worth. Some other issues come up in the “Conversation” My mother defends him on some things that are absolutely inexcuseable, I almost get myself kicked out of the house, and I storm to my room, where I find that people I’ve been waiting days to play with in WoW, had gone to bed.

This horribly told story brought to you by: Fury

I had a very long, meaningfull, and heart filling post written up but I sort of upgraded WordPress and forgot to copy paste my stuff into Word first. The jest of the post was essentialy that my term for school started monday, and my financial aid isn’t done yet so I can’t actually go to class. Big Deal, I know.

After people managed to bludgeon my massive steel head into a consistency that’s closer to mollases I succumbed to playing World Of Warcraft, which many of you know as WoW, and yes I’m enjoying myself. I apologize for being such a downer on it before. If you want to make an issue of it you can go to the Tenarus server or however that’s spelled and duel me. Chances are I’ll lose so you’ll feel good about yourself.

I managed to spend a great deal of time with people who are important to me the past couple of weeks and I’m quite content with how things are going in my life except … I think my anxiety may be acting up because I never feel quite … like I should be where I am. I either feel physically out of place like I’m not good looking or strong enough to be there, or I feel like I’m not quite witty, or adequate to be there. I think alot of it may just be because I’m tired, or it could be because I’m hanging out with new people and they are very different from my regular friends. I’m not too sure about that though because I’ve felt that way with a couple of familiar faces as well (I think).

Worst of all is, despite the fact that I hardly get a moment to myself anymore I still manage to feel really lonely the second someone isn’t there, or paying attention. I’m pretty much working or with someone. What kind of freaky, attention-craving, internet-whore am I if I can’t just not have someone paying attention to me?

So … I went to defrag my drive today, and well … look I’m just about done with work, and I have summer vacation so I’ll be able to get to work on that layout pretty soon. I do have it kinda going, it’s probably 1/4rth or so done. A few people have seen it and they havn’t said anything yet so maybe I have alot more work to do than I think,.I’ll finish this post later, life is calling.